Monday, August 31, 2009

Management

On walking into the factory, the MD noticed a young guy leaning againstthe wall, doing nothing. He approached the young man and calmly said to him, "How much do you earn?" The young man was quite amazed that he was asked such a personalquestion, he replied, none the less, "I earn $ 2000.00 a month, Sir.Why?" Without answering, the MD took out his wallet and removed $6000.00 cashand gave it to the young man and said, "Around here I pay people forworking, not for standing around looking pretty! Here is your 3 months salary, now GET OUT and don't come back". The young man turned around and was quickly out of sight.
Noticing a few onlookers, the MD said in a very upset manner, "And thatapplies to everybody in this company". He approached one of the onlookers and asked him, "Who's the young man Ijust fired?"
To which an amazing reply came- "He was the pizza delivery guy, Sir!"

Indian contractor

Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the White House in D.C. One from Bangladesh, another from India and the third, from China.

They go with a White House official to examine the fence.

The Bangladesh contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil. "Well", he says, "I figure the job will run about $900. ($400 for materials, $400 for my team and $100 profit for me)".

The Chinese contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then says, "I can do this job for $700. ($300 for materials, $300 for my team and $100 profit for me)".

The Indian contractor doesn't measure or figure, but leans over to the White House official and whispers, "$2,700." The official, incredulous, says, "You didn't even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?"

The Indian contractor whispers back, "$1000 for me, $1000 for you, and we hire the guy from China to fix the fence." "Done!” replies the government official.

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

That's called Presence of Mind !!

Ek din ek kutta jungle main raasta kho gaya . Tabhi usane dekha ek

sher uskii taraf aa raha hai. Kutte ki saans rookh gayi. "Aaj to kaam
tamaam mera!" usne socha. Phir usne saamane kuchh sookhi haddiyan padi
dekhi. Woh aate hue sher ki taraf peeth kar ke baith gaya aur ek
sookhi hadii ko choosane laga aur zor zor se bolne laga, "wah! Sher ko
khaane ka maza hi kuchh aur hai. Ek aur mil jaaye to poori daawat ho
jayegi!"

Aur usne zor se dakaar mara. Is bar sher sakate mein aa gayaa. Usne
socha "ye kutta to sher ka shikar karta hai! Jaan bacha kara bhago!"

Aur sher wahan se champat ho gaya .

Ped par baitha ek Bandar yeh sab tamasha dekh raha tha. Usne socha yeh
mauka achha hai sher ko sari kahani bata deta hoon - sher se dosti ho
jayegi aur usase zindagi bhar ke liye jaan ka khatra dur ho jayega.
Woh phataphat sher ke pichhe bhaga. Kutte ne Bandar ko jaate hue dekh
liya aur samajh gayaki koi locha hai. Udhar Bandar ne sher ko sab bata
diya ki kaise kutte ne use bewakoof banaya hai. Sher zor se dahada,
"chal mere saath abhi uski leela khatam karta hoon" aur Bandar ko

apani peeth par baitha kar sher kutte ki taraf lapka. Can u imagine
the quick management by the DOG...

Kutte ne sher ko aate dekha to ek bar phir uskii taraf peeth karke
baith gaya aur zor zor se bolne laga, "Is Bandar ko bhej ke 1 ghanta
ho gaya , saala ek sher phaans kar nahi la sakta!"

Moral of the story
There are many such monkeys around us, try to identify them..

Monday, August 17, 2009

Discovery

After digging to a depth of 100 meters last year, Russian scientists found traces of copper wire dating back 1000 years, and came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network one thousand years ago.

So, not to be outdone, in the weeks that followed, American scientists dug 200 meters and the headlines in the US papers read: ' US scientists have found traces of 2000 year old optical fibers, and have concluded that their ancestors already had advanced high-tech digital telephone 1000 years earlier than the Russians.'


One week later, " Indian daily newspapers" reported the following:

'After digging as deep as 500 meters, Indian scientists have found absolutely nothing.
They have concluded that 5000 years ago, their ancestors were already using Bluetooth and Wireless technology.

Boy joke

Little Bobby came into the kitchen where his mother was making dinner.
 
 
His birthday was coming up and he thought this was a good time to tell
his mother what he wanted.
 
 
Mom, I want a bike for my birthday.
 
 
Little Bobby was a bit of a troublemaker.
 
 
He had gotten into trouble at school and at home.
 
 
Bobby's mother asked him if he thought he deserved to get a bike for
his birthday.
 
 
Little Bobby, of course, thought he did.
 
 
Bobby's mother wanted Bobby to reflect on his behavior over the last
year.
 
 
Go to your room, Bobby, and think about how you have behaved this
year.
 
 
Then write a letter to krishna and tell him why you deserve a bike for
your birthday.
 
 
Little Bobby stomped up the steps to his room and sat down to write
krishna a letter.
 
**************
 
Letter 1
 
Dear krishna,
 
I have been a very good boy this year and I would like a bike for my
birthday.
 
I want a red one.
 
Your friend,
 
Bobby
 
 
**************
 
Bobby knew that this wasn't true. He had not been a very good boy this
year,
 
So he tore up the letter and started over.
 
 
**************
 
Letter 2
 
Dear krishna,
 
This is your friend Bobby. I have been a good boy this year and I
would like
 
A red bike for my birthday. Thank you.
 
 
Your friend,
 
Bobby
 
**************
 
Bobby knew that this wasn't true either. So, he tore up the letter and
started again.
 
**************
 
Letter 3
 
Dear krishna,
 
I have been an OK boy this year. I still would really like a bike for
my birthday.
 
Bobby
 
**************
 
Bobby knew he could not send this letter to krishna either. So, Bobby
wrote a fourth letter.
 
**************
 
Letter 4
 
krishna,
 
I know I haven't been a good boy this year. I am very sorry.
 
I will be a good boy if you just send me a bike for my birthday.
 
Please! Thank you,
 
Bobby
 
**************
 
Bobby knew, even if it was true, this letter was not going to get him
a bike.
 
Now, Bobby was very upset. He went downstairs and told his mom that he
wanted to go to temple.
 
 
Bobby's mother thought her plan had worked, as Bobby looked very sad.
 
 
Just be home in time for dinner, Bobby's mother told him.
 
 
Bobby walked down the street to the temple on the corner.
 
 
Little Bobby went into the temple and up to the altar.
 
He looked around to see if anyone was there.
 
Bobby bent down and picked up a statue of the radha.
 
He slipped the statue under his shirt and ran out of the temple, down
the street, into the house, and up to his room.
 
He shut the door to his room and sat down with a piece of paper and a
pen.
 
 
Bobby began to write his letter to krishna.
 
 
**************
Letter 5
 
krishna,
 
I'VE KIDNAPPED YOUR GIRLFRIEND. IF YOU WANT TO SEE HER AGAIN, SEND THE
BIKE!!!!!!

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Photo Jokes

Engineer Jokes

Husband - hey dear, I am logged in.

Wife - would you like to have some snacks?
Husband - hard disk full.


Wife - have you brought the saree.
Husband - Bad command or file name.


Wife - but I told you about it in morning
Husband - erroneous syntax, abort, retry, cancel.


Wife - hae bhagwan !forget it where's your salary.
Husband - file in use, read only, try after some time.


Wife - at least give me your credit card, I can do some shopping.
Husband - sharing violation, access denied.


Wife - I made a mistake in marrying you.
Husband - data type mismatch.


Wife - you are useless.
Husband - by default.


Wife - who was there with you in the car this morning?
Husband - system unstable press ctrl, alt, del to Reboot.


Wife - what is the relation between you & your Receptionist?
Husband - the only user with write permission.


Wife - what is my value in your life?
Husband - unknown virus detected.


Wife - do you love me or your computer?
Husband - Too many parameters.


Wife - I will go to my dad's house.
Husband - program performed illegal operation, it will Close.


Wife - I will leave you forever.
Husband - close all programs and log out for another User..


Wife - it is worthless talking to you.
Husband - shut down the computer.


Wife - I am going
Husband - Its now safe to turn off your computer

Friday, July 31, 2009

Amazing 51 facts



1. People who ride on roller coaters have a higher chance of having a blood clot in the brain. 2. Black bears are not always black they can be brown, cinnamon, yellow and sometimes white. 3. People with blue eyes see better in dark.
4. Each year 30,000 people are seriously injured by exercise equipment.
5. The placement of a donkey’s eyes in its head enables it to see all four feet.
6. The sun is 330330 times larger than the earth.
7. The cow gives nearly 200000 glass of milk in her lifetime.
8. There are more female than male millionaires in the U.S.A.
9. A male baboon can kill a leopard.
10. When a person dies, hearing is usually the first sense to go.
11. Bill gates house was designed using Macintosh computer.
12. Nearly 22,000 cheques will be deducted from the wrong account over the next hour. 13. Almost all varieties of breakfast cereals are made from grass.
14. Some lions mates over 50 times a day.
15. American did not commonly use forks until after the civil war.
16. The most productive day of the week is Tuesday.
17. In the 1930’s America track star Jesse Owens used to race against horses and dogs to earn a living.
18. There’s a great mushroom in Oregon that is 2,400 years old. Covers 3.4 square miles of land and is still growing.
19. Jimmy Carter is the first U.S.A. president to have born in hospital.
20. Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump.
21. Cleopatra married two of her brothers.
22. Human birth control pill work on gorillas.
23. The right lung takes in more air than the left.
24. It is illegal to own a red car in shanghai china.
25. A hard-boiled egg will spin. An uncooked or soft-boiled egg will not.
26. Astronauts cannot burp in space.
27. The snowiest city in the U.S.A. is blue canyon, California Lake Nicaragua in Nicaragua is the only fresh water lake in the world that has sharks.
28. Kite flying is a professional sport in Thailand.
29. The great warrior Genghis khan died in bed while having $ex.
30. No matter how cold it gets gasoline will not freeze.
31. SNAILS have 14175 teeth laid along 135 rows on their tongue.
32. A BUTTERFLY has 12,000 eyes.
33. DOLPHINS sleep with 1 eye open.
34. A BLUE WHALE can eat as much as 3 tones of food everyday, but at the same time can live without food for 6 months.
35. The EARTH has over 12,00,000 species of animals, 3,00,000 species of plants & 1,00,000 other species.
36. The fierce DINOSAUR was TYRANNOSAURS which has sixty long & sharp teeth, used to attack & eat other dinosaurs.
37. DEMETRIO was a mammal like REPTILE with a snail on its back. This acted as a radiator to cool the body of the animal.
38. CASSOWARY is one of the dangerous BIRD, that can kill a man or animal by tearing off with its dagger like claw.
39. The SWAN has over 25,000 feathers in its body.
40. OSTRICH eats pebbles to help digestion by grinding up the ingested food.
41. POLAR BEAR can look clumsy & slow but during chase on ice, can reach 25 miles / hr of speed.
42. KIWIS are the only birds, which hunt by sense of smell.
43. ELEPHANT teeth can weigh as much as 9 pounds.
44. OWL is the only bird, which can rotate its head to 270 degrees.
45. In the last 4000 years, no new animals have been domesticated.
46. On average, people fear spiders more than they do death.
47. The c!garette lighter was invented before the match.
48. Like fingerprints, everyone's tongue print is different.
49. Tapeworms range in size from about 0.04 inch to more than 50 feet in length.
50. German Shepherds bite humans more than any other breed of dog.
51. A female mackerel lays about 500,000 eggs at one time.